Dating Diaries: Studs vs. Duds

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Instead of paying attention in class today, I decided to think about relationships. More specifically, the reasons why some succeed, while others fail. Being in a successful relationship now, in addition to having encountered my fair share of duds, I've noticed one major difference: the relationship I'm in now had been built off of a good foundation, while the others... weren't. I used to have the tendency to ignore red flags (aka I lied to myself about the quality of a guy), which led to some major consequences and heartbreaks. That said, when searching for the right person, here are a few things you should ask yourself:
  • What was your first impression of them? Research shows that when you first meet someone, accurate impressions of the other person can be made in as little as 2 seconds. If the impression was bad, you may want to trust your gut, and run in the other direction.
  • Do they make time for you? Even though this concept is quite simple, it took me a while to realize that when a person really wants to hang out with you, he/she will make it happen. No matter what. If you are getting excuse after excuse, I would advise you to end things, as this can be a sign of avoidance.
  • Do they listen to what you have to say? I've met my share of cocky guys who flinch at the thought of talking about anything but themselves. Find a significant other who is interested in what you have to say, is curious (but not nosy), and genuinely wants to get to know you.
  • How much do the two of you have in common? As a psychology student, I have learned time and again, that opposites actually don't attract. Think about you and your best friend. The two of you get along so well because of all the similarities that exist. The same goes for a significant other. The more similar you are with the other person (and vice versa), the more chemistry there will be. True story.
  • Are they serious? As ashamed as I am, I'll admit to having led someone on. In high school, I had a crush on a younger guy (or so I thought). After several months of seeing each other, he brought up the subject of making the relationship official, something I had been avoiding. I couldn't get myself to end the fling, so I dragged it out for a few more months. At the time, I thought the reason for me being hesitant was that I wasn't ready for a relationship, when in reality, I didn't like the guy enough to be with him.

"Follow your heart, but take your brain with you." -Anonymous


Check out my first Dating Diaries post: What to Do/What Not to Do on a First Date

4 comments

S T E P H A N I E L E A N N said...

These are all good points. I've dated a number of guys who weren't right for me. It's a constant balancing act once you do find the one (like making time with busy schedules and learning how to love each other well) but if done well can be a great thing!

Justine said...

You definitely hit some major points. I too am guilty of "I didn't like the guy enough to be with him." AND I recently flat out ignored a guy when he became too persistent.

Mugdha said...

Definitely guilty of lying to myself about red flags, whoops! Good post though, and I like that quote =]

supernovachick said...

I sometimes have a problem with figuring out if they are avoiding me or if they're just really truly busy. In the end, both options suck and I end up exiting the boat. Nice post.

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